Sunday, April 10, 2011

MSS4-Shuyang

The Goose Thief
1. I was in my semi-detached, reviewing some of the strange crimes that I had solved. Just then, someone knocked at the door. I opened the door, hoping to see my friend, Professor Andrew. After opening the door, I found that standing at the doorway was a young man, with a frown on his face. I showed him to an armchair near the hearth. He started to explain to me his peculiar case, “I am Patrick. I have lost a five hundred dollar note. Although it does not matter much to me, this crime had happened exactly the same way last week and I would like you to help me find the criminal.”
2. I replied,” Please start your description of the theft. I will do my best to help you.”
3. He began his description, “I still had my money that morning. On that day, only my sister, Ms. Baker, my wife, Mrs. Baker, and my pets, two goslings and a goose, were at home. My maid, Ms. Elizabeth, was attending her university class on ethology. After completing some reports for my work, I squatted down and played with the goslings. They were growing bigger and bigger each day. The goose was very protective of them. However, after an hour or so, my maid came back and started cooking. I stopped playing with the goslings and went to my room. As I changed to my shorts, I found out that the five hundred dollar note in my pocket at the back of my trousers was missing!”
4. “Is anyone in need of money?” I asked.
5. “Yes. My maid needs the money. But she was not present at the time of crime.”
6. “May I go to your house to do some investigation?”
7. “Yes, of course. Detective Wei, please follow me.”
8. Upon reaching Patrick’s detached house, I asked for permission to investigate his trousers. With my magnifying glass, I found that there was a strange mark on the pocket which the money was stolen from. Based on my experience from attending a police training workshop, I identified it as a goose mouth’s mark.
9. Then, I requested for permission to look at each and every room of the house. I found out that in the maid’s room, there were strands of goose’s hair. Patrick had told me that his wife did not allow the goose to be in the house. It must be kept in the backyard. From the clues, I deduced what happened. “Mr. Patrick, please come with your maid to my house as soon as possible,” I said.
10. At dusk, Patrick and a young woman, probably her maid, arrived at my semi-detached. I started my explanation of what happened.
11. “Ms. Elizabeth is a university student and she needed money. To get money, she used the goslings and the goose to steal the money from Mr. Patrick. She is a student learning ethology, so she knew how to make the goose and goslings to steal his money. She made the goslings play with Mr. Patrick and the goose went to his trousers’ pocket and stole the note. Since she was not in the house when the crime took place, she had an alibi and thought that she would not be suspected. However, when I saw strands of goose hair in her room, I knew what happened. Since Mr. Patrick’s wife did not allow the goose to be in the house, it would be unusual to find strands of goose hair inside the house. So, the goose must have come into Ms. Elizabeth’s room and pass her the money, but it unintentionally dropped a few strands of hair. Am I right, Ms. Elizabeth?”
12. Ms. Elizabeth looked guilty and replied, “What you have said is absolutely right. I am so sorry, Mr. Patrick.”
13. She took out two five hundred dollar notes and returned them to Mr. Patrick. In the end, Ms. Elizabeth was fired.
14. This was indeed one of my weirdest crimes that I have solved. (659)

19 comments:

  1. Not enough characterization. Plot sounds nice. At least all that you say is used in the story later. (the entomology guy)
    But a few problems...
    1) The maid came before the victim found out about the crime. So why did you said she was innocent
    GREAT JOB (best one I have seen so far. Compared to Wui Guan's and Renyu's)

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  2. nice story, keep it up!

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  3. too much conversation.Very good story, lively.

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  4. Manta (Fong Ken Rui)April 11, 2011 at 12:33 PM

    Five hundred dollars in bacl pocket...
    Nobody would be in their minds to keep a hundred dollars in their back pocket.

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  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  6. If it was a $1000 (500x2) theft, shouldn't the maid be jailed?

    The story has only ONE clue, and with just that ONE clue, the culprit is caught. Not much suspense due to that.

    Not so much of characterization found in the story.

    The plot is interesting though, keep up your good work on your plot! :)

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  7. good. keep it up. not common for people to even take $500 with them, and why would he not report it the first time it got stolen, but the second time?

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  8. A bit brief, but the plot is good.

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  9. Wanyi:
    Because the man was rich. But he was scared that the theif would strike again and steal much more money. Sorry, will add that into my story. =)

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  10. Good plot, but perhaps you should have more suspects or describe the characters and story with more detail. Good story!

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  11. A bit brief but a good story though. Anyway, why would someone put so much money in his back pocket??

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  12. How come $500 becomes $1000?

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  13. Is the detective so smart that with one clue, he can deduce the culprit? Why will someone keep $500 X2 with him? Lack of description, but well done!

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  14. The detective is like Sherlock Holmes, from one clue he deduce d the culprit. i will add more clues + red herrings.

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  15. A bit too brief. Would be better if red herrings were present. Also, it would be better if Ms Elizabeth would not admit to the crime so fast and beat around the bush. Still, main story plot is well written. Short but precise. Must be
    a very smart Detective Wei!

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  16. Detective Wei Shu Yang rocks! Nice story! But I can give you a red herring. Make it seem like Ms Elizabeth was being framed. You cold churn out probably at least 500 more words. THumbs Up!

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  17. Who would keep such large amounts of money in their back pockets WITHOUT a wallet?

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  18. Nice story agrees with Shuen Kai. Can be improved by using red herrings

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