Sunday, April 10, 2011

MSS2-Wanqi

The Bangle Thief
1 It was another day of college. I was busy flipping through the pages of a fascinating detective book, while chewing on a piece of watermelon gum. While I was just leaving my book to spit the gum into the bin, I noticed Emily showing off her brand new stuff again. Today, she was dressed like printed out of a fashion magazine or something. “ My daddy brought me to the mall and bought me this really terrific bangle. Its studded with pink diamonds!” She proudly pointed to her sparkly bangle resting on her hand . Her “admirers” instantly crowded around her, asking her questions related to that sparkling bangle and about her. That was the thing about Emily. Whenever she has a new item added to her fashion collection, she would bring it to school and show off. Her “admirers” would always increase as her items began to go more expensive and pretty. “ I have to keep it in a safe place, to make sure it is safe from being stolen by someone who is jealous.” Emily smirked at me with her piercing blue eyes and blocked my vision of where she was keeping the bangle. I just rolled my eyes, thinking, who would want to have her bangle? Certainly not me.
2 Just then, my best friend Jessica walked towards me and I waved a hello. She flashed me a cheeky grin. “That arrogant Emily is showing off again! Come on, give me a break!” She whispered in my ear humorously. I giggled and walked back to my seat with Jessica. “But her bangle is really expensive, by the looks of it.” I replied to Jessica. “Isn’t she scared that it would be stolen?” Jessica added. I just shrugged my shoulders. Well, that was up to Jessica, nobody can do anything about it if it was really stolen.
3 “Brriiing!” the bell rang really loudly, interrupting our history lesson. It was time for lunch break with Jessica. I slipped another piece of watermelon gum into my mouth and chewed it carefully. Emily was trying to put on the studded bangle, which I thought was perfectly normal for a classical vain person like Emily. Jessica and I put Emily off our minds and chatted about the book I just read today.
4 When it was time to come back to class, Jessica and I dashed up the stairs and reached the outside of our classroom. “We’re first again! It feels so good.” Jessica panted, sweeping her side-bangs to the back of her ear. I grasped the handle of the door, hoping to be welcomed with a overwhelming sensation of the cold “environment” inside our class. However, the scene was not very welcoming in the class. Emily was crunched up on the floor, with the slight blood oozing from her head contradicting to the shiny white tiles on the floor. “Oh my god. Jessica, look at this!” I gasped loudly and went to help Emily up on a chair. Jessica fumbled through her bag for tissue to wipe away the blood on Emily’s head. “Wake up, you vain person!” I shook Emily really hard, but my actions were futile. Suddenly, Jessica had a really good idea. “I have a bottle of the worst smelling perfume in my purse. Let see if Emily will come to her senses by smelling the odour.” Jessica sniggered and I chuckled. Emily was so pathetic! Jessica stashed out a small bottle of brown liquid and held it under Emily’s nose. As if the thing under her nose a rotten egg, Emily bolted up from the chair. “That was disgusting! And why are you two here? What am I doing here? Ouch my head!” Emily rattled and touched the big red bump on her head. “Umm, hello, we have just saved your life! You were knocked down by someone, don’t you remember?” I tried to explain. “Oh yeah. And why did you know I was here?” Emily glared. I glanced at her wrist. Why isn’t her bangle there, I thought. I saw her putting on the bangle all right. “Emily, where’s your bangle? Did you put it somewhere” Emily was just about to blurt a “yes I did” but shot a look at her empty wrist . Her eyes widened in terror. “MY BANGLE! WHERE”S MY BANGLE? DID YOU SEE IT? DID YOU? DID YOU STEAL IT? I BET YOU DID!” She started acting like a really fussy lady, and if she was in a comic, she would have steam pouring out of her ears in fire dancing in her eyes. Jessica and I exchanged worried glances. “Oh Emily, we did not steal your oh-so pretty bangle. But did you keep it? That’s the point.” Emily stood rooted to the spot for a minute, then ran to her seat and started rummaging through her bag. “Here…it…is!” She dug out a pink box with glitter and slowly, opened it.
4 “My god. Oh my god. OH MY GOD!!!!” Emily screamed. Her designer dress slid of her leg, exposing her pink leggings. I gaped in surprise. Her bangle should be there, but it is unreasonably not! Jessica went up to Emily and tapped on her shoulder. “You want to meet us up at the library today? We could help you in finding the bangle.” She said. Emily looked at us with a weird face. “Am I crazy? Did I hear wrong? Imagine you two brats helping me!” I steamed up when she called us brats. “First, we are not brats. Second, do you want our help or not?” Just as she was about to say anything, a group of girls flied in the classroom and instantly Emily earned herself another crowd of admirers. Jessica and I glanced at her from far. “Emily, can you please let me see your amazing bangle?” A girl with lots of makeup asked. “Umm…it’s gone.” Emily told her. The girl, along with her group of friends, immediately turned their back to Emily and suddenly took an interest into storming out of the door. “Not good for her.” I said, popping a piece of watermelon gum into my mouth.
5 Emily quietly walked towards us, while a stream of our classmates came in the classroom. “I accept your offer.” She said and marched away, her hair flying about.
6 After school, we waited at the library for Emily to come. Finally, she appeared, looking very worried. “Have you found out anything?” She asked us. “No, so you’re going to tell us everything you know when you got hit by the mysterious person.” Jessica pointed to three seats. We settled down at a table and I took out my laptop. “You may start.” Jessica said. Emily began rattling. “I was in the class and took out my bangle to put it on. Just then, somebody hit me on the back of my head with something that felt like a stone. I shouldn’t have been knocked out like that, but when my head crashed onto the floor, the pain was unbearable. Before I blacked out, I could feel someone detaching my bangle from my wrist. That is all I know.” She finished her sentence and flipped her curls. I typed her speech in my computer and Jessica listened attentively. Suddenly, Jessica reached out to Emily’s white cotton shirt and picked out a strand of brown hair. “What’s this?” She mumbled. “That’s certainly not my hair.” Emily observed. “Not mine either.” I stroked my soft berry red hair. “And not yours too.” Emily looked at Jessica’s blonde hair. “This must the hair of the person who hit you.” I concluded.
7 There’s one clue now. “How do we find the DNA samples for this strand of hair?” Emily asked. ‘I remembered that I read it on a book, you can find DNA samples from hair.” I stroked my chin and thought very hard. Suddenly, Jessica popped up with an idea. “Let’s ask Madam Chin, the science lab teacher to help us! She will certainly have a way with this.” I grabbed my laptop and we ran to staff room 1 to look for Mrs Chin.
8 Jessica knocked on the door, and a strict-looking teacher wearing harry-potter-like glasses appeared. “We’re looking for Mrs Chin, please.” The teacher peered at us through her bronze-rimmed glasses and called for Mrs Chin. Mrs Chin appeared at the door with a hot-pink shawl wrapped around her . “Ah, my darlings! What can I do for you?” Mrs Chin asked in delight. I guessed she was bored in the staff room. “Mrs Chin, we need your help. Can you follow us to the lab?” Jessica asked. “Certainly, darlings. But what do you need me for?” “Mrs Chin I promise, I will explain everything.” We briskly walked to the lab, which was a few classes beside the staff room.
9 “You want me to find the DNA sample of this hair?” Mrs Chin held the strand of brown hair in her sharp fingernails. “I’m not the CSI, but I will try everything I can. May I ask what is this for anyway?” Mrs Chin pulled on a pair of latex gloves. “It’s for…” I paused. “ A science project our lab teacher told us to do. Please, we really need your help.” Mrs Chin looked at us with admiring eyes. “For a science project, you all chose such a difficult topic? That’s great.” We waited for Mrs Chin to finish the procedure. She was boiling water and taking out tubes containing liquids. Finally, Mrs Chin went over to work on the computer. She finished the steps and began printing out the DNA graph for us. The graph was filled with lines of different colors and heights. “Thank you very much, Mrs Chin!” Emily bowed and we ran out of the lab.
10 “So what are we going to do next?” Emily asked us desperately. “We’ve already gotten the DNA graph. Now we just have to find a matching one.” I replied and tucked my laptop back into my sling bag. “But how? There are so many people in our school!” “Hey, don’t forget, the first time everyone came to school, Mrs Plum had their DNA graphs in the computer!” Jessica said happily, doing a little dance. “So are we going to ask the principal for that, hello?” Emily shrugged her shoulders and frowned. “Yes, that is exactly what we are going to do.” I grabbed Emily and Jessica’s wrist and dragged them to the Medical Room.
11 Mrs Plum was attacking a piece of apple pie when we got there. “Mrs Plum, can we ask you of something?” Emily used her sweetest smile and said. “Sure, my dears! But what do you want? I can’t see any injured students among your three!” Mrs Plum joked. I began explaining what happened to Emily, and at last, Mrs Plum gasped. “Why, of course you can use my computer!” She went over to her computer and clicked on a file. “There are five classes in your level, each level had about 20 students… ah, there you go!” Mrs Plum went to get three chairs for all of us. I grasped the DNA graph tightly in my hands as Emily and Jessica went through the numerous DNA graphs. “Aston Go, no…Holly McCartney…Jon Jim….no….” They went on and on, matching the DNA peaks with the ones on the graph in my hands. When we went to the 2nd last class, 5KC, Emily came across a graph which peaks looked dead similar. ‘It must be this person! … Bessie Storm?” Emily almost fell down from her chair. “Oh gosh! I thought she was your admirier?” I exclaimed. “Tomorrow, we’ll find Bessie!” Jessica agreed. We waved goodbye to Mrs Plum and went home.
12 The next day during lunch break, the three of us waited outside class 5KC. Suddenly, Emily spotted Bessie and ran towards her. We trailed Emily. “Where’s my bangle with the pink studs? Give it back, Bessie!” Emily confronted Bessie angrily. “I don’t know what you are talking about.” Bessie bravely responded. “Oh yeah? I did everything, like matching your DNA and stuff. You want evidence? Here it is, the DNA graph and the hair and the other from you! It matches, doesn’t it? Plus, you went there to see my bangle! How could you not know it anyway?” Emily shouted. Bessie stared blankly at Emily in horror. Jessica and I solemnly stood aside, watching their quarrel. “Ok, I admit that I stole your bangle. But it was because you always showed off! It’s your own fault.” Bessie retorted and fumbled through her purse. Bessie held out a shining bangle which was Emily’s. She threw the bangle into Emily’s outstretching palms. Seeing that the work was complete and the bangle returned, Jessica and I did a little hug and I took out a piece of gum, unwrapped the paper, and popped it into my mouth. Before Jessica and I could leave, Emily caught up with us and thanked us for helping her. “Treat you two to a meal at Mcdonalds today?” She offered. “Oh that’s nice of you. I’ll get ready today!” Jessica said and we skipped down the hall, me blowing a pink bubble. (2196)

23 comments:

  1. Paragraph 3 sentence one sounds odd. It seems like only you and Jessica are having lunch and the rest are having lessons. Is there any reason why you are eating watermelon gum? If the watermelon gum had something to do with the mystery, it would have sounded better

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  2. @ jit ping.
    But can't the character like to eat watermelon gum? that's one of her traits. Anyway thank you for giving suggestions.

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  3. um... it's a bit weird, why would your school have the equipment to match DNA?

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  4. harry-potter-like should be Harry-Potter-like

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  5. Have some "Singaporean" words but generally good

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  6. Bleurgh. i am not sure that there is such a funny flavour for gum. And it is very unlikely that a school kepps the analysis of student's DNA.

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  7. eg. Harry-Potter like, Mcdonald

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  8. I thought Emily was injured? How come she was not rushed to the sick bay? How can you use the "worst smelling perfume" on an injured person?

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  9. you are allowed to bring laptops?

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  10. hello, it's middle school, wanyi!
    @ Zhai zirun, why can't we? She's just fainted, like geronimo stilton! can use perfume what!

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  11. Brillant story, Wanqi!

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  12. Good story, Wanqi!

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  13. I like the way you describe the story, but is it a bit weird about the part that you and Jessica were in the class and saw Emily on the floor, you still snigger, chuckle and call her "vain person"? But it's really an excellent story!

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  14. Brilliant :) but @any1 who wants to critisize usage of watermelon gum:
    I have eaten watermelon gum b4.

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  15. I really dunno what to say. Its simply good...
    Well, maybe if you delete all the gums part it would be better. Cause I was reading the exctiting part of the story, when your gum ruins the whole atmosphere by arriving.

    Overall, it is terrific!

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  16. @ EVERY1
    can't u all just stop criticizing the watermelon gum, puh-leese? it's irritating, plus it's just a hobby for the character! watermelon gum is terrific, there's nothing wrong! plus it isn't significant. just look at the story, not the gum.
    @Hui linh
    the sniggering chuckling part was when she had to smell that perfume, kay?Not when we saw her. Plus, emily call the two brats, so they call her vain person. Geddit?

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  17. Wow, watermelon gum! Nice flavour, honestly. Nice invention. College, I guess?

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  18. But you said that there was blood, and whats more on the head, so it is rather important to go to the sickbay or Mrs Plum. Also, if you were to delete unnecessary parts in the compo that are just nothing and do not play a part, it would be better

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  19. Nice, Wan Qi! You clearly highlighted the clue, but I still think you need a few more. It is important that you say that Bessie's hair is very close to Emily when she is at the other end of the class, so that it will be suspicious that Bessie's hair is there, and not that it is a common place hair strand. You could also link the weapon to Bessie. Any alterior Motives? Add these points in, and your story will be much better.:)

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  20. thank you for your comments, comrades(lol)
    i will improve on my compo skills.

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  21. why would the school have such advanced equipment for testing DNA? And why take all the trobule to take their DNA? Why can't just get fingerprints of something?

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  22. @ my own work "on" i mean

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