Sunday, April 10, 2011

MSS17-Shi Huiling

1. “No! No, I can’t believe this! No!” a shout pierced through the still and quiet Tuesday night. Moments later, the pitter-pattering of footsteps of detectives and police, including Arthur, a famous detective, could be heard at apartment 16, Canbrill Street.
2. At the exact same moment that the detectives and police were pouring into apartment 16, Mr Carr was crying in his living room in apartment 16, very much saddened by his wife’s murder. He did not dare, and did not want to believe that his kind, loving and caring wife is dead, although her corpse is lying right in front of his eyes.
3. Arthur and the detectives started to look around on the lawn of the apartment, trying to find some footprints or any other sign of a stranger entering the house. However, other than Mrs and Mr Carr’s footprints, there were not any other footprints on the lawn. They decided to proceed into the house, where they might have better luck finding some clues.
4. A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door of apartment 16, and Mr Carr dried his tears and got up to open the door. “Please come in,” Mr Carr said to the police. He led them into his living room, which was the scene of the crime, and the detectives immediately set to their task of investigating the crime scene.
5. Before bending down to examine Mrs Carr’s dead body, Arthur walked around the room, taking notes of anything that might seem important, such as a weapon or a note. He did not find any such things, however, but made a mental note that there were tobacco ashes on the ground. This could mean that either Mr Carr smoked, or that the murderer smoked.
6. After doing that, Arthur walked towards Mrs Carr, and set to examining her body for any clues and to determine what caused her death. After a while, he found a patch of congealed blood on the back of her head, and confirmed that Mrs Carr was indeed murdered.
7. While Arthur searched Mrs Carr’s pockets, hand phone and hand bag for anything that might lead him to the culprit, he found an envelope which contained a letter from Mrs Carr’s mother, which read:
Dear sweetie,
Hi, sweetie. How have you been for the past few years? It had been a long time since I last saw you! When I looked at my calendar today morning, I realized that today is your birthday. So, firstly, I wish you a happy birthday and have a wonderful day! I have bought you a present too; do you like it? It not only is a birthday present, it also shows how much I love you. I hope that you like it a lot!
Love,
Mum
8. Upon reading it, he asked Mr Carr whether he knew where and what the present was. Mr Carr replied, “Mrs Carr told me that she had received a ruby ring from her mother as a birthday present a few weeks ago. I will go get it now. I kept it in my safe as a memory of her.”
9. While Mr Carr went into his room to take the ruby ring, Arthur continued to search Mrs Carr’s body, but found nothing. Suddenly, Arthur’s helper, also a famous detective, named James, said, “Arthur, come and look! There is a strand of hair here!” Arthur immediately hurried to where James was, and picked up the strand of hair with a pair of tweezers and kept it in a bag to be examined when they returned to the laboratory.
10. Soon after, Mr Carr returned to the room, carrying a small jewelry box which contained the ruby ring, and handed it over to Arthur. Arthur asked, “Mr Carr, I am sorry to ask you this, but can we bring this ring to the laboratory for examination?” Mr Carr took a deep breath, gulped, and stammered, “I… I guess so.”
11. Then, Arthur started to interrogate Mr Carr, trying to find some suspects. As Arthur started asking Mr Carr many questions, such as what he saw, exactly, when he came home, when he came home etc, Mr Carr did not seem nervous, but instead, very confident of his answers.
12. Soon, Arthur was satisfied with what Mr Carr had told him. When Mr Carr had come home, he found his wife lying dead on the floor, and once he got over the shock, he quickly contacted the police, but he had left everything untouched.
13. Then, Arthur walked towards the back door. Mr Carr, confused, asked, “Sir Arthur, the front door is there. You are heading towards the back door.” Arthur simply replied, “I’m going to the back lawn to search for signs of a stranger entering the house.” Then, Arthur walked though the back door to the back lawn, bending down to inspect the earth, looking for a footprint, or tobacco ashes, or anything that might be a clue.
14. Although Arthur did not find any footprints, he did notice that there were tobacco ashes on the ground. He also saw that the lawn was very messy and full of dried leaves. Nodding his head, satisfied with what he found, he walked back into apartment 16 and asked Mr Carr, “Mr Carr, do you smoke?” Mr Carr told him that he did. Upon hearing that, Arthur politely bid Mr Carr farewell, and returned to his office to investigate the murder case.
15. Once Arthur, James and the other detectives returned to their offices, Arthur and James started discussing about the case. James asked, “Arthur, have you any idea on who the culprit is?” Arthur replied, “Well, James, we haven’t interrogated the other suspects, so I don’t know yet.” Arthur looked at his watch, which showed that it was 9.28 p.m., so he told James to gather at James’ office early the next morning, at 8.00 a.m.
16. The next morning, at precisely 8 o’clock, James and Arthur set off to the laboratory to determine who the strand of hair belonged to. During the few days which the hair was being processed in the DNA Processing Station, James and Arthur worked on other crimes, impatiently waiting for the results of the test.
17. On Saturday, Arthur and James went to the laboratory again to receive the results of the test. They were both extremely shocked when the hair turned out to be Mr Carr’s, but after a few seconds, James said to Arthur, “We can’t expect that Mr Carr’s hair wouldn’t be on the floor, can we?” However, Arthur replied, with a grin on his face, “Oh, no, my dear James, we have just solved the case! Did you see the messy backyard of Mr Carr’s, but there were tobacco ashes on the ground! It showed that Mr Carr had been in the backyard recently. There was the same kind of ashes in the house too, which confirms that it is Mr Carr who was in the backyard. Also, did you not see that the floor was perfectly spotless other than that strand of hair, which I think Mr Carr didn’t sweep up because it was near the dead body! Also, now that I think of it, I think I walked past a bit of newly-turned earth, which explains why we didn’t find the weapon! I’m sure that the murder weapon is buried! Let’s go now!”
18. As it turned out, the murder weapon was indeed buried, and the culprit was Mr Carr. Mr Carr was arrested, and the reason why he murdered Mrs Carr is that he wanted the ruby ring, which could make him rich! He and Mrs Carr never really loved each other; they were forced to marry. Thus, the case was solved, by Arthur and James, the famous detectives! (1290)

25 comments:

  1. Manta (Fong Ken Rui)April 11, 2011 at 5:08 PM

    Too few suspects.(only one)

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  2. How come James can only be an ASSISSTANT if he is also a famous detective?

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  3. paragraph one should be was dead, not is.
    sorry, but i believe, men don't usually cry. A lot. They only will fell like uber, super sad.

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  4. @Wanqi: Oh, REALLY?

    I agree with Zi Run but then again, a few tense errors, good plot. But why would Mr. Carr sweep up the hair? Its just pointing the detectives in the right direction.

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  5. Hui Ling xo ( author)April 12, 2011 at 1:22 PM

    I meant that Mr Carr swept the house (from the "spotless clean floor") but he didn't think of sweeping the area around the dead man so he accidentally left the hair there.

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  6. I don't think an assistant would be a famous detective.

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  7. WOW! Mrs Carr's mother was using speedpost (very expensive)!
    PARA 11 : It is interview not interrogate.
    PARa 15: Were there any other suspects?
    keep it up!

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  8. WELL WRITTEN! If the detective suspecter more people, the suspense rate would be higher and better.

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  9. Ok I'll add more suspects. Thanks for the comments. Also, James can famous detective but still assistant because he helping the very famous detective; they are colleagues to be exact.

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  10. I think that credit goes to James cause he found that hair that cracked the mystery

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  11. Wows nice story and good way you presented the clues. however
    1)too few suspects
    2)should put some red herrings ( i noticed that not one of us put any red herrings)

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  12. Para 2 has many grammatical errors

    Past tense should be used

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  13. Para 3: Footprints are not usually observed on a lawn, maybe shoeprints would be a better piece of evidence?

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  14. should have more suspects
    other than that good story!
    keep it up!

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  15. How can an assisstant to a famous detective be ANOTHER famous detective? Wouldn't James be on his own?

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  16. Only 1 suspect, not much suspense. It would be better if there were maybe more people in the house and the hair was not left there.

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  17. Marvellous and interesting story! Somewhere there already! Just that you can increase the climaz more. Stretch it even further, then your story shall be better.

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  18. How come murderer still was "very much saddened by his wife’s murder. He did not dare, and did not want to believe that his kind, loving and caring wife is dead, although her corpse is lying right in front of his eyes."even if he murdered her?

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  19. @Zi Run
    Well... if I wrote that, it would be more description and the reader will not suspect that he is the murderer. At that point of time, nobody knows that he murdered his wife and he was sort of trying to act like any other normal person who found his wife dead.

    @Wan Qi
    Yes, I think that men do cry. If they are very sad.

    @All
    Thanks for the comments! Let me summarise: I should add more suspects, some wrong vocab and grammar, more red herrings/clues. Thanks again!

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  20. However, tobacco ashes etc. could be made by a stranger visiting the house. it ordinary to find someone's hair in his own house.

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  21. Hui Ling, excellent story! If only you could add more suspects to your story, your story will be even better! :)

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  22. @Shu Yang
    About the hair part. There is no hair on the floor other than at the victim. Also, Mr Carr smoked, and the tobacco ashes in the house matched the ones in the lawn.

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  23. You said: “Well, James, we haven’t interrogated the other suspects, so I don’t know yet.” But you didn't include any suspects! It's a good plot, but you should add more suspects. And why does the messy backyard and tobacco ashes in the backyard point towards Mr Carr? Should add some red herrings. But, overall, it's a good story.

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  24. should explain conclusion more. Add more red herrings and suspects and you will do fine.

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