1 It had been an eerie night. Time check- 12 A.M. Tom Johnson, a detective, had been returning home from his head quarters at the Las Vegas Police Department. Tom was driving home in his Chrysler 200 when a loud bang reverberated around the neighbourhood. A shady figure ran out of Block 309 and got into a brown Cadillac Escalade. The car sped off immediately. Without hesitation, Tom gave chase. Unluckily, Tom’s car broke down and stopped. The Cadillac Escalade got away with its mystery occupant.
2 Tom wasted no time; he called the Las Vegas Police Department and ordered for a search party. Meanwhile, his car was parked in a corner till the tow truck came in the morning. Ten police cars and two helicopters were sent to surround the city. Tom went back to Block 309 to check on the situation. Meanwhile, three more police cars arrived at the scene. The police officers got some flashlights and entered the building.
3 As they pushed open the door, it creaked loudly. The sight that greeted them was horror. A man lay in a pool of blood on the floor with a bullet wound in his chest. A bullet cartridge was lying on the round next to the person, confirming that the person had been shot. Tom went closer to check whether the person is still alive but there was no sign of pulse or heartbeat. But without jumping into conclusions, they waited for the confirmation from the paramedics that will be at the crime scene soon to verify that. Tom put his ear next to the person’s nose. It was silent. It had been a fatal shot. The police officers covered the body up before calling the forensic science team at the LVPD.
4 Just then, Tom’s mobile phone rang. “Is this Tom Johnson? This is Thomas Williams, chief of the Las Vegas Police Department. We have found an abandoned brown Cadillac Escalade, licence plate M129 029 near the Las Vegas International Airport. Is this the one you were looking for?”. “Search the car.” Tom ordered just as the forensics team arrived. The corpse was taken to the LVPD for an autopsy.
5 Tom’s mobile phone suddenly rang again. This time it was Eric Sanders, a forensic scientist. “Hello Tom, have you seen my brown Cadillac Escalade? It was stolen, I think, from my home. Please help me find it. Thank you” Tom was puzzled. A Cadillac Escalade? A brown one? “It must the thief driving the car! Eric was with his brother during the murder, probably to help John, his brother, and when his brother died, he quickly fled in case the thief killed him too!” Tom thought. But the question is...who's the shady figure that ran into the Cadillac Escalade and drove off?
6 Tom waited with ten other police officers in the middle of the street as two police officers set up roadblocks. It was 3 A.M. before Tom received any news. “Hello Tom. We have just finished the autopsy. It is confirmed that the deceased is a male in his 30s and died from a fatal shot at his heart .The weapon in question could be a semi-automatic handgun fired at close range from the ballistic results. The person has been dead for approximately five hours, which means he was shot at 10 P.M. He was later identified to be John Sanders, suspected brother of Eric Sanders, forensic scientist. The Cadillac Escalade was reported to have a punctured tyre and a semi-automatic handgun in the boot.” Tom was puzzled. He thought: I only passed the building at 12 A.M. when there was a bang which was a shot. How could it be that the person was dead at 10 P.M.? Tom went into Block 309 again. As he entered the guarded room, he saw a shadow under the bed. He peeked underneath and saw a girl about 5 years old hiding the bed. He beckoned to the two policemen at the door and carried the girl out of the block and interrogated.
7 As the girl was being interrogated, Tom decided to go to the airport which was 20 kilometres away. It was already 5 A.M. and tourists were already starting to come into Las Vegas. As his Chrysler had broken down, he had to use a police car. With sirens blaring, his car sped off.
8 Approximately 30 minutes later, Tom arrived at the airport. Parking his car, Tom went to the Cadillac Escalade and questioned the police officer, Nick Jonathan about the incident. “Well…we haven’t really found anything except for the gun which was taken for examination. But, I think I saw Eric Sanders, the forensic scientist snooping around the corner here…” Tom then thought that Eric could not have been protecting his brother, and he suddenly realised, Eric’s call was a hoax! Suddenly, “Vroom…” the Cadillac Escalade sped away. “Hey…Stop!” Tom shouted. But it was too late. Tom gave chase, followed by two other cop cars. The road was rocky and bumpy; the two cars jumped up and down. Tom was almost getting carsick. The Cadillac sped underneath a bridge, when it suddenly collapsed just as Tom was above to go underneath! Tom stopped the car and placed roadblocks at the two sides of the bridge. Tom wrote down on his notepad: Suspect no. 1: Eric Sanders, forensic scientist LVPD, aged 42. Suspect no. 2: Girl aged 5. He ordered Nick to pass the notepad to Thomas.
9 At 7 A.M, Thomas reported to Tom that a 3-car accident occurred somewhere on Interstate 15. It involved a grey Mercedes-Benz E200, the brown Cadillac Escalade and a bus. The Cadillac Escalade was speeding along the interstate when it crashed into the back of the bus. The bus stopped and the Mercedes crashed into the Cadillac, practically squeezing the Cadillac underneath the bus. The causalities were Eric Sanders and a 32-year-old businessman, which both suffered serious injuries.
10 Tom decided to go back to the headquarters to combine the information. Meanwhile, the girl had woken up and was brought to the LVPD. Tom went to Thomas’ office, which they sat down. Tom added to his notebook. Clue No.1: John Sanders was shot dead in Block 309. Clue No.2: A 5-year-old girl was found underneath the bed, could it be the daughter of John Sanders? Clue No. 3: The Cadillac had broken down before due to the punctured tyre.
11 Just then, Nick barged into the room and said that DNA matches confirmed that the girl was the daughter of John Sanders. This eliminated the girl as a suspect. Now the only question is: Where is Eric Sanders? Tom decided to go to Eric’s house to search for a weapon for or something.
12 At Eric’s house, they removed the gate and bolted the door open. Thankfully, Eric was at the LVPD and was nowhere to be seen. They searched the house and found a few suspicious looking objects. Firstly was a semi-automatic handgun, secondly was a blood-stained cloth, thirdly was a pair of blood-stained shirt and jeans, fourthly was a piece of glass, and fifthly were some car keys. Tom took the items back to the LVPD for examination.
13 Finally, they found out that the fatal bullet was from Eric’s semi-automatic handgun, the piece of glass was from the accident, the car keys were used to start up the Cadillac Escalade, the cloth was used to wipe off the blood from John’s body and Eric was most likely wearing the shirt and jeans during the accident. So now, there is only one thing to do: Find Eric Sanders and interrogate him.
14 They went to Eric Sanders office. Eric was typing something on his computer. He was wrapped up in bandages. Seeing Tom enter, he quickly switched off the monitor and turned around. Tom asked, “Where were you at 12 A.M. yesterday night?” Eric replied, “I was out to watch the latest episode of CSI.” Tom asked again, “Are you sure?” Eric stammered, “Y...Yes.” Tom proceeded with the next question, “Were you driving a Cadillac Escalade when you crashed into a bus?” Eric started sweating and said, “No...I was...um...I was driving the Mercedes.” Tom asked the next question, “Were you wearing a blue shirt and black jeans?” Eric wiped his brow and nodded before fainting.
15 A few hours later, Eric woke up and Tom continued his interrogation, “Were you carrying a semi-automatic handgun at 10 P.M.?” Eric nodded and said, “I...I did not kill my brother, I saw someone else do it.” “Who?” Tom asked. “It was Jameson William, the neighbour; he had a big blowout with my brother. I tried to stop them, but was knocked unconscious. I heard a bang before passing out. When I woke up it was 11.59 P.M. I accidentally fired a shot and ran for my lives when you chased me...” “Do you have any evidence to support that?” Tom asked. “Ask my niece.” Eric said.
16 As they interrogated the five-year-old girl, what the girl said was briefly the same as what Eric said, thus the confirmed murderer was Jameson. However, Eric was lying about him driving the Mercedes, as he was driving the Cadillac; he was probably too nervous.
17 Jameson’s face was in the news that night. Meanwhile, a few teams have been sent to search the city. Fifth Avenue, International Airport, Interstate 15, everywhere was checked. However, Tom did not receive much news about Jameson or his whereabouts.
18 1 month later, three suspects that look like Jameson were caught and brought for interrogation. Tom and Nick checked the identity cards. The first said William Smarks, the second said Jameson Torres and the third said Jameon Torres.
19 “Two people with the same name?” Tom asked. The two men looked at each other and said, “Yes.” Just then, Nick, standing beside Tom said, “Watch it! One is Jameon and the other is Jameson! They must be siblings!” Jameson started sweating and was near fainting. For confirmation, the girl was called in to identify the murderer. She pondered for a while before saying: “The man in the centre!” That was Jameson. Thus, Jameson was confirmed the murderer. But, to confirm what the girl said was right, Tom instructed the police to go to Jameson’s house to collect evidence. They found some blood-stained shirts belonging to Eric. So, they safely confirmed that the shirts were given by Eric to Jameson. Tom also took a DNA sample from Jameson and found that it matched with the one on the gun!
20 Just then, “Whack!” Tom was kicked on the jaw. As he stumbled to the sofa in pain. Nick saw Jameson running away but Jameon stood rooted to the ground. He pinned Jameon to the ground. Jameon quickly relented and explained everything to Jameon. Nick decided to let Jameon go and sent a search party for Jameson.
21 Finally, 2 months later, Jameson was caught trying to steal a Porsche from a local car shop with his brother, Jameon. Jameson was sentenced to life in jail for murder, lying to the authorities and car theft. Jameon received a lighter sentence: 40 years in jail for lying to the authorities and car theft. Therefore, the mystery of the Block 309 murder has finally been solved, thanks to Detective Tom, Chief Thomas Williams, forensic scientist Eric Sanders, and a five-year-old girl. (1883)
LVPD= Las Vages Police Department, if you are going to use the initials, you need to do this... Las Vegas Police Department (LVPD) After that, Las Vegas Police Department can be replaced by LVPD.
ReplyDeleteI get sensitive when it gets to aviation related mistakes. It is called McCarran International Airport(LAS), not Las Vages International Airport.
The girl was not interrogated unless you think that the girl was a suspect. I thought she was a witness.
Is there any reason why the 5 year old girl was suspected.
Crime happened in Nevada and you want to investigate in the Big Apple? (refer to 5th avenue)
Paragraph 20 line 3-4 sounds really odd.
oh my god this story is super.
ReplyDelete@Para 6:
ReplyDeleteplease note that the deceased was obviously a male!
@para 8:
ReplyDeletenot his car!
Whole story sounds reasonable. Good job
ReplyDelete@PARA 12:
ReplyDeleteWHAT IS FIRSTLY, SECONDLY, THIRDLY, FOURTHLY, FIFTHLY!?
Not possible to have 10 police cars + 2 helicopters. Usually not even a single helicopter will be sent. Helicopters are usually for high-speed pursuit.
ReplyDeleteHow can somebody be a "suspected" brother? One look at records will tell you if he IS or IS NOT sopmeone's brother.
The Jameon and Jameson makes readers confused.
How can HELICOPTERS be used to surround the entire city?? And how come the police sent police cars & helicopters BEFORE even finding out the source of the bang? What if it was not a murder but something else? Tom should have checked the source of the sound before giving chase, but incidentally, his intuition about a murder was correct. Also, how could a girl aged 5 be responsible for murder? and how can anyone receive a sentence of 40 years in jail for just lying to the authorities and car theft?
ReplyDeleteLWZ, not v. interesting but nice try if you could make Eric be murderer it would be nicer
ReplyDeletelast part funny. I agree with WSY
ReplyDeleteWhy did the police want to use the 5-year old girl as a witness to waste time and resources? Not very believable as a 5-year old girl is not that mature.
ReplyDeleteI'm a little unclear about the sentence "Jameon quickly relented and explained everything to Jameon." How could Jameon explain something to himself?
ReplyDeleteGood story.
Jameon quickly relented and explained everything to Jameon.?????
ReplyDelete5-years old wil not be able to remember so many things. Besides, even i will cry at the sight of blood let alone the 5-year old. Also, what was the 5-year old doing under the bed? Also, why did Eric Sanders call a hoax if he was not the one who commited the crime. Why did he have a sense of guilt?
ReplyDeleteJameon quickly relented and explained everything to Jameon??
ReplyDeleteNice story:) Sounds logical. Godd job.
ReplyDeletelong story, but good job. But why is the Jameon error so hilarious? And the 5 year old is not scared of blood?very odd. why was she doing under the bed anyways? the police very bad, use a five year old girl who is so scared of everything and immature?
ReplyDeleteSome tense errors! Good job!
ReplyDeleteWell, this is the constructive comment, since I think that my previous comment was not very constructive. My apologies, people. Anyway, CONSTRUCTIVE COMMENTS.
ReplyDeleteOkay,
1. Actually, I think that if you were to pay less details in all the car names and all that, it might actually provide the reader with a clearer mind, and the reader will then understand the story even better. With all the confusing and LONG names, it is not of much help to your story. Thus I suggest you to remove them and replace them with simpler terms.
This is the good point: Your story is quite logical except the part where you gave details on how many helicopters and how many this how many that... Tht is a bit too illogical. Do not exaggerate so much. It will only give the readers, namely me, in my point of view, the impression that you are making the story illogical.
Overall, this story is quite good.
Erm, a 5 year old killing her father is a bit TOO unrealistic. Seriously.
ReplyDeleteWei ZHen, a bullet cartirdge cannot be on the ground right beside the victim. If th bullet was to be found, it would still be stuck in the wound or if it had exited, probably much farther down the hallway. (para 2) Other than that, interesting story.
ReplyDeleteHow can a 5 year old kill her own father? A little unrealistic. Still, good story!!
ReplyDeletequite good
ReplyDelete@Yi Lin
ReplyDeleteI am a bit TOO into cars XP
Due to som insufficient clarity, I will further elaborate on some key terms
ReplyDelete1. Cadillac Escalade==>car brand
2. Chrysler 200==>car brand
3. Mercedes-Benz E200==>car brand