Thursday, March 24, 2011

Sample 6

Sample 6
1 The night was cooling and fresh. It smelled like fresh spring rose blossoms, so refreshing, yet there are dangers everywhere lurking in its shadows.
2 I saw my home in a distance; it was dark, as it always was. I walked, until I reached my home. I unlocked the door and went in.
3 After taking a soothing bath, I sat down next to the radio to listen to some classical music, I like them the most, makes me feel so relaxed.
4 After a period of time, my peaceful moments were interrupted by a broadcast. “Listen carefully, we are the…” and then the line went crackly for a moment, “ w…the…sta…n, we now detect a tsunami coming in the direction of Singapore, those that heard this warning please warn others and get ready to evacuate from Singapore.”
5 “What bad luck, Singapore almost never has natural disasters, this year isn’t going to be an auspicious year, that’s for sure”, I thought as I was packing.
6 Luckily, because I was one of the fortunate that heard the radio, I evacuated Singapore safely. The night was certainly dangerous.
7 I was on the plane, getting ready to be escorted to a nearby island with no tsunami, when I saw it, I saw that other than me and a few elderlies, the whole plane was empty!
8 Hmm…this is funny. Why would there be only about ten people escaping the tsunami?
9 I have a habit, when I am in doubt, I always listen to my beloved portable radio.
10 After two minutes, I was so angry that I hit the roof, ouch!
11 It was a trick!!!!!!!!!!!! It was a trick that someone invented to get revenge on the weather station!! Then I remembered something more than that, today was also April fool’s day!!! Well I have certainly become the fool.
11 After I finished the painful experience of hitting the roof, I went to tell all the passengers to leave the airplane as there was no tsunami coming, but none of them listened to me,
12 “are you saying that we are wrong?”
13 “how dare you say that we are wrong!”
14 “what’s wrong with young people nowadays?”
15 “they just don’t listen to our advices”
16 “tut tut!!”
17 So, without taking them along, I went for the door before they could cover me with saliva.
18 Just as I was getting into a taxi to go back home, I saw a humongous tsunami going closer and closer to the island and “ splash!!!!!!”
19 I had a very wet time, and a wary night too.
20 After I dried myself off 5 hours later, I went to bed thinking that the report saying that there was no tsunami was the real joke, and that I would have made a great April fool day clown. Good for me, not. (462)

28 comments:

  1. i HAVE NOTHING TO SAY BUT THIS IS A VERY FUNNY STORY...no tsunami and thenb tsunami and then arggh i'm messed up! Please try to stick to one experience==> either a tsunami or no tsunami

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  2. Geographically, having a tsunami in Singapore is impossible. And somebody making a joke that there was no tsunami when one is coming is unlikely, as it could result in lives lost.

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  3. hahahahahaha. funny story a bit confused though

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  4. okay thank you for your advice(roll eyes)

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  5. to get revenge to the radio station? quite lol.
    umm, paragraph 19 was so brief. Is there a tsunami or not? Seriously?
    plus after the tsunami u didn't explain clearly,
    how could you still go to bed? Your house should be flooded or washed away too.

    And which exactly was the joke?
    I'm confused.
    (NO OFFENCE!)

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  6. this story is making the readers confused including me

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  7. Why did the author pack when a tsunami is coming instead of running away??

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  8. How can you hit the roof?! Everything is unreasonable. Why would someone want to get revenge on the radio station??

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  9. I understood it. It was so funny! And I really liked the two twists.

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  10. The letters in the speech should be in capital letters. And the last word "tut tut", is it saying vulgar words? Quite funny though.

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  11. And it rarely has a tsunami. (Singapore)

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  12. Para 1. it should be "yet there were dangers" instead of "yet there are dangers". Para 16, there should be only 1 exclaimation mark. If you were hit by the tusnami, are you saying that the tusnami did no harm to you? as you were not admitted to the hospital or ANYTHING after the incident.

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  13. Paragraph 1, line 1: Isnt it supposed to be smelt instead of smelled?

    Paragraph 3: Why is it "I like them the most, makes me feel so relaxed" instead of "I like them the most as they make me feel so relaxed. " ?

    Anyway, it is very funny! Had a good laugh.

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  14. Tsunamis are quite unlikely. the description of the air is well written, very good!

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  15. Would anyone bother to pack things when a tsumani is coming?
    Tense: some are in past but some are in present
    Starting: How did you know that there were dangers about when you didn't even hear the report yet??
    Your capital letters! Is it necessary for you to put so many exclamation marks?

    Anyway, well done! I like your funny plot! Keep it up! =)

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  16. Paragraph 5: Well, why are you still packing when a tsunami is coming? I thought you should be panicked and run out of your house or something?

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  17. Good story, but why did you have a wet night? I mean, it's not veyr appropriate because it should be a near-death experience.

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  18. taking a plane will take too long to escape and you will probably die on board.
    tsunamis will KILL.

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  19. Nice plot, and funny too!

    A bit of tense errors. Also, try to keep track of whether there is a tsunami or no tsunami. I am a bit confused abt dat.

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  20. Errors:
    1. You will not be moaning that it is an auspicious year. Instead you will be screaming and running out of your house.
    2. For your conversations, use capital letters.
    3. Nobody will play such a big prank (unless they are psychos or want to go to jail) even if it is April's fool. If he wanted revenge he should just kill the DJs cause there is no revenge in want you stated.
    4. How did you know that it was a joke?
    5. if it was a prank, why would there be any flights at all to other islands?
    6. Is there a tsunami or not?
    7. Tsunamis KILL, not make you wet and icky.

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  21. "painful experience of hitting the roof"? The narrator REALLY hit the roof? O_O Anyway, a tsunami wouldn't come as a SPLASH and then it ends. It's illogical that the narrator survived a tsunami coming at full force at him when he is out in the open.

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  22. You stated that you have already evacuated Singapore, but you still could get off the plane. Even if you already landed on another island, the tsunami would not have made you wet. That part was unclear. Besides, a tsunami kills.

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  23. This is a good story but maybe you should go direct to the point. Most inPortantly, this story is a bit unrealistic

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  24. Tsunamis would have killed you or at least injured you and not just have got you drenched

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  25. unrealistic story,
    brief,
    hilarious

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  26. Matthew Wong Chun KitMarch 26, 2011 at 9:21 PM

    There's no tsunami that can get so far inland as Changi Airport.

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