Thursday, March 24, 2011

Sample 5

Sample 5
1 It was late in the night. I lay comfortably on my soft bed staring at the dark night sky which was full of bright shining stars twinkling and the big, round moon that hung in the sky.
2 Meanwhile, I was listening to soothing music which was broadcasted on the radio. Suddenly, a piece of shocking news interrupted my peaceful mood. “This is channel 9.8.2 reporting. The murderer of the series of murder has been known. However, he has not been caught yet. He had been last seen in the Clementi district. Advice to all: Please do not keep precious items at home especially the rich” An anxious voice said urgently. When I heard this piece of news, I was about to faint.
3 The soothing music continued to play, but it could not calm my anxious and urgent feelings. A million thoughts had rushed through my mind; what if…what if…
4 I ran down the stairs to the living room to inform my family of the latest shocking news. I fled down the stairs, caught my breath and started speaking rapidly” Oh no! The radio station had said that the murderer of the recent series of murders has been found but he has not been caught! Did you leave anything precious in the house? ……” I went on and on.
5 After that, we decided that the best plan was to make precautions and remain calm. We went to our neighbours and advised them to make sure that their windows and doors are locked before going to sleep. After informing everyone, we ensured that our doors and windows are locked before sleeping.
Even after we made precautions, I still felt uneasy and could not get to sleep peacefully. I turned and flipped around in bed thinking that the murderer might be in the neighbourhood. When the alarm rang, I woke up and got ready to go to school.
6 On my way to school, I saw someone giving out flyers. Some people who got the flyer looked frightened and horrified. Curiosity aroused me to take a look at that flyer. I walked over and took a copy. When I was looking through it, I realized that it was about the murderer. It said”Wanted man! He is the murderer of the recent series of murders. He had been last seen in Clementi. If he is seen by anyone, please inform the police by dialing 999.”
7 I continued my journey to school. Suddenly, I saw a man that looked familiar; it seems that I have seen him somewhere. Just then, a thought struck my mind” It was the murderer.” I took out the copy of the flyer and compared it with the man whom I recognized as the murderer. When I realized that it was the murderer, I was so dismayed and scared that I was rooted to the ground.
After recovering from my shock, I took out my phone and dialed 999 to inform the police. “Hello,” I said” I am calling from Clementi and I have seen the murderer who is wanted.”
8 After a few minutes, the police arrived and the murderer was arrested. The policeman praised me” You are very brave, you have helped in the capture of the wanted man. Thank you for your co-operation.”
9 When the policeman praised me, I could not help thinking that I was one of the luckiest person to be able to help in the arrest of a criminal. I was all smiles for the rest of the day. I felt proud of myself to be able to play a part in protecting our nation and people. (600)

22 comments:

  1. "murderer of a series of murder": you can't murder a murder case. And there was no struggle, and during time the police was arriving, the murderer haven't move an inch?

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  2. why is the stupid murderer hanging around a school with so many studetns who could've spotted him?

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  3. agree with FKR cause murderer supposed to be smart. also, if its a murderer on the loose, why keep precious things safe? warning should be keep yrself safe.

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  4. The murderer did not move after "i" called the police;does not sound rigt and logically

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  5. Who is the muderur's victim

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  6. why is the murderer allowing someone to spot him so easily?

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  7. Good description but it almost the same as another one I cant remember which.

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  8. Bad grammar and phrasing:The murderer of the series of murder. Unreasonable because why murderer did not run?

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  9. The murderer isn't so stupid for the police to catch him.

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  10. On paragraph 7, you said that you were so scared that you were "rooted to the ground". However, it should be anxious instead of fear.

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  11. Paragraph 2, line 3: It is supposed to be 98.2 FM, not 9.8.2 FM. Also, the speech made by the DJ did not end with a full stop as a a sentence should.

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  12. Reasonably good. :)I like it.
    Would a person be dismayed to see a murderer? Anxious, maybe?
    When the police come, why did the murderer never run away???

    Seems very faimiliar...

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  13. Excellent conclusion, and good description! However, in Paragraph 5, it should be "take precautions" not "make precautions".

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  14. there is no channel called "channel 9.8.2" and same thing, a murderer? steal things? Murdferers are people who kill others not steal things so it is unreasonable for the radio station to call the people to keep their belongings safe instead of protecting themselves.

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  15. Murderers don't Steal things???

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  16. murderer or robber?
    murderer will have ran away by the time police arrived

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  17. A bit too illogical at the point where Para. 7 to Para. 8 change; shouldn't there be some interrogation before believing the caller.

    Nice conclusion and the description is not bad! :P

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  18. Same idea as sample 8!
    The murderer is not so stupid too be in the public. SOme of your " are in the wrong directions.

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  19. Was the murderer just standing there all this while until the police caught him? A bit illogical. A murderer should be clever enough to run when he sees a police car since he is wanted.

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  20. This is a bit too short. You might want to elaborare more. Maybe you are praised with bravey because you fought with the murderer. That will make it sound braver than just calling the police.

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  21. How can you murder a series of murder? Confused...

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