Sample 10
1 It was a cold, chilly night. The streets were deserted, and the dim, eerie lights of the street-lamps sent chills running down my back. I hugged my old coat nearer to me and quickened my footsteps. As I unlocked my front door, I saw a piece of paper flapping on the grass, and caught sight of a picture of a tall Dalmatian dog on it. Must be a lost dog poster, I thought. I shrugged and pushed the matter to the back of my head.
2 A warm cheery glow greeted me as I stepped into my house, and my servant helped me hang my coat and hat onto the coat stand. I sat onto my armchair and sipped on a cup of hot chocolate as I turned on the radio. Soothing classical music played, and I almost dropped off- who wouldn’t be tired after an entire day of working at a lab as a chemist - when suddenly the music was interrupted by an urgent announcement broadcasted by the police.
3 “Beware! It was reported that a dangerous creature has been sighted in the backyards of the people living in Kensington Street. Others living in that area, PLEASE BE CAREFUL!”
4 The music came back a second later, but now I was too worried to listen. I’d tell you, you would be worried too if you were living in Kensington Street, like I am.
5 I rushed to close all the windows, and locked all the doors I could find leading out of the house. Suddenly, I heard a growl coming from my backyard. It was the… the dangerous creature! I was very scared, but still managed to muster up the courage to peek out of the window. I saw a fierce, dirty looking creature rummaging through my dustbin, grunting and growling - although I had closed the window, I could still hear it -once in a while. I could feel my heart had jumped up to my mouth, but there was still a tinge of curiosity tugging at the corner of my brain. What was this creature? How did it look like?
6 I grabbed a flashlight from the kitchen drawers and shone it at the window. The mysterious creature must have saw the light, because it turned and snarled– and I was faced with the scary creature. Its bloodshot eyes that showed weariness was unlike anything I have ever seen before, it had sharp teeth, and tangled, matted, dirty fur with dark blotches here and there. It was standing on long, bony legs, and looked as if it had been starving for a long time.
7 Then, a second picture flashed through my mind– a Dalmatian. It looked a bit like this dangerous creature, which was divided from me by only a wall, only that the Dalmatian looked much more docile. It was the picture on the poster of a lost dog! I thought, it must be that the poor Dalmatian was lost and it was starving, and when it was starving it turned into a savage dog. I must help this poor little doggy (it’s funny how a person’s view changes once he finds out something new – remember what I first called it? A dangerous creature. Now I’m calling it a poor little doggy!).
8 I went into my emergency lab, which is in my house, and found a bottle of sleeping powder. I sprinkled some onto a piece of meat, and opened the window a teeny weensy bit– just enough to throw the meat out. I threw the piece of meat out of the window, and to the feet of the Dalmatian. The smell wafted up its nostrils, and it immediately gobbled up the meat. After about 3-5 minutes, the Dalmatian slowly lay down, and nodded off. I waited another few seconds to make sure it was really asleep, and called the police. I told them the whole story, and the police said they would come over as quietly as they could.
9 Just like they said, the police arrived in a few minutes, and get this– they came on bicycles! They quietly took the dog away, and only the sergeant remained. I invited him in for a cup of hot chocolate, but he shook his head firmly and thanked me for assisting the police and helping this street. I nodded and saw him away. I was glad this was over. I had never liked exciting events. Well, this has changed… (738)
WOW>>>AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeletedots...
ReplyDeletenot awsome LWZ better see who wrote this before commenting...
awesome story very interesting
ReplyDeletehate u
ReplyDeleteUmmm, the dangerous creature decription is abit too....unrealistic
ReplyDeleteoverall: Totally awesome
Quite interesting, but how can you be a chemist, and how can you get a piece of raw meat so quickly? Also, a dalmation turning savage is quite unreasonable.
ReplyDeletedots
ReplyDeleteA scientist should be more reasonable and not panic when he just hears a noise in his back garden.
ReplyDeleteWho wrote this? A dalmation is not angerous
ReplyDeleteBicycles? How the police can come in bicycles?
ReplyDeleteWonderful story
ReplyDeleteAwesome story and anyway I thought a chemist not = a scientist????
ReplyDelete@ Zhen Hui: to keep quite lah
ReplyDelete@ Ken Rui: what if it is a easily get panicked chemist? not scientist. how u know scientist or chemist dont get panicked
*Quiet
ReplyDeleteI am amazed at the quality of the story. I had a great read. Good story!
ReplyDeleteRather unrealistic, I liked the part where the police came on bicycles though. Reminds my of the Japanese in WWII :)
ReplyDeleteIf you had a servant, naturally you would be rich. Why did you have to walk home then? Why di dyou have to listen to the radio then? What warm glow of home.
ReplyDeletewell done! interesting and exciting plot formed! i like it! good description of person and weather! :) =) :D
ReplyDeleteExcellent! But why didn't you pick up the lost dog poster when you saw it?
ReplyDeletetoo tired to bother(at HuiLing)
ReplyDeletequite nice. but unreasonable that the dog in poster transformed.
ReplyDeleteNICE
@Zhang Wanyi
please respect others' comments.
who's?
ReplyDeleteThis story ROCKS!!! >.<
ReplyDeleteHowever, I thought a chemist is just experimenting or doing whatsoever with chemicals. The story was like talking abt a scientist.
Very good. Logical and funny. Strange style of writing though: in the first few para, you show the audience that you are rich, etc but after that you told the audience why you purposely called him puppy.
ReplyDelete@Wan Yi Please respect people's comments. I can infer that you wrote this but please respect.
The police and cycling part really reminds me of Jap occupation...
repeat marcus? respect who's comments? i mean i seriously do not know what u r talking about...and ok fine i will
ReplyDeleteThis story rocks! Please don't use informal words like "teensy weensy bit" or "poor little doggy". Remember, this is an essay.
ReplyDelete@Wanyi I think it was this:
ReplyDeleteLaw Wei Zhen said...
WOW>>>AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!
March 24, 2011 12:05 PM
wanyi(ONE WHO IS ANGRY AT LWZ) said...
dots...
not awsome LWZ better see who wrote this before commenting...
March 24, 2011 12:06 PM
Hoo Jia Kai said...
awesome story very interesting
March 24, 2011 12:10 PM
wanyi said...
hate u
March 24, 2011 12:12 PM
Overall, the story is quite interesting and innovative. But I still do not why policemen coming on bicycles are surprising since you typed the sentence in a surprising tone.
ReplyDeletePeople would not classify a dog a CREATURE. Use appropriate vocabulary. Try not to use slangs as what Weiyao mentioned
ReplyDeletekay thank u for ur comments i will take it into consideration....
ReplyDeleteAmazing! Very interesting, but how can the police come on bicycles?
ReplyDeleteExplain how ou got the meat and the sleeping drug. Other than that, its okay.
ReplyDeleteWhy would you(even if you were a chemist) have a EMERGENCY lab in your house?
ReplyDeleteAnd would the dog be so stupid to eat a piece of meat with sleeping powder? It should have already smelled it.
Why would police come and catch a "dangerous creature" on bicycles?Even if you told them the whole story, wasn't there a chance that it was a prank?
Who would say that a Dalmatian is a "dangerous creature" unless they have a mental problem?
But overall its quite good, not awesome though